im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
