He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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