They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
