dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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