got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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