And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
