I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
