I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
