An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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