found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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