I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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