sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
