Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize