rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
