Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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