dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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