Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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