I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
