So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
