I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
