either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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