I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
