My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
