i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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