wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
