you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
