Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
