just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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