Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
