oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Text me some of your sweat
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize