How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
