just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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