I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
