my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
