i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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