i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
