Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
