Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
