do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
