I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
