Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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