The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
