apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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