So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
