Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
