Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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