What did we do last night that was yellow?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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