Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
