cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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