we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
