I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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