If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
