Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
