the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
