I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
