I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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