Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
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