haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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