it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
