Kareoke will never be a sober sport
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
