Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize