Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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