Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
