I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
