So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
