Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
my nose is crying tears of wow.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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