Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
