She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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